Is that a guitar in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

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Opinion




It wasn’t exactly the crime of the century, but it still managed to make headlines around the world.

Is it because this heist highlighted what seems to be the newest criminal trend?? thieves running away in slow motion after stuffing stolen items in their pants.

In the most recent case, York Regional Police are looking for a man who broke into a music store in Richmond Hill, Ont., on December 20 and stole an $8,000 guitar in hiding it in his baggy and extremely wide pants. ?

Surveillance video shows the culprit?? who wore a Toronto Maple Leafs baseball cap, by the way?? sitting on a stool in the store and slipping the neck of the $8,000 Gibson Custom Shop 60th Anniversary Standard Electric Guitar 59 down his pants and hiding the body under his jacket.

In an attempt to look as cool as a cucumber, the thief then nonchalantly picks up another guitar and strums it while other customers stand in complete oblivion. Police said after the man waddled out of the store, he jumped into a vehicle driven by another suspect.

Along with the release of the surveillance video, which quickly went viral, police are appealing to the public for any information that may lead the guitar culprit to the music. “I’ve never been in a situation where I actually put a musical instrument in my own pants,” he added. That’s what a puzzled York constable told CNN.

Unfortunately, it appears that the music store’s security system was not enough to nip this heinous crime in the bud.

Security Guard: ???Excuse me, sir, but would you mind explaining the big guitar shaped bulge in your pants???

Shoplifter: ??Uh, yes, I have a gland problem.??

Security Guard: ??OK, have a nice day.??

Unfortunately, York Regional Police have not released the alert they issued to their own officers, which we can only assume is something along those lines…

Dispatcher: ??Please be on the lookout for a man waddling suspiciously.??

Officer:?? Can you give us more information???

Dispatcher: ??Yes, he is wearing pants.??

Listen, I wouldn’t shed any light on this shameless theft if it was an isolated incident, but unfortunately it’s just the tip of a huge iceberg that, if knocked over, would reveal literally hundreds of hapless thugs stuffing a wide assortment of valuables into their pants.

Speaking of musical instruments, you’ll be glad to know that justice prevailed a few years ago when a Wisconsin shoplifter was thwarted after he was caught stealing a flute by shoving it in his pants.

Surveillance video from the Voigt Music Center caught the brazen thief in the act, showing the man with a flute stuffed into his pants and running down his back. According to ABC News, an employee confronted the would-be thief before he could get out. She asked him what was in his pants. The thief said it was a flute and that’s where he keeps his flutes.

?? So she pulled it out of her pants and she said, ?? You keep our flute with our tag on it on the back of your pants???,?? an employee called back. The scammer left empty-handed, leaving the store to figure out what to do with the salvaged flute.

“I couldn’t, in good conscience, let anyone put their lips to this instrument”? said store owner Tony Farrell, who had the good sense to turn the flute into a lamp.

In the interest of journalistic fairness, we must point out that musical instruments aren’t the only things shoplifters put in their pants. No, they also use their pants to hide (theatrical pause) chainsaws.

The internet is awash with jaw-dropping stories of thieves stealing chainsaws from hardware stores by cleverly hiding the power tools in their pants.

For example, a Florida man earned a spot in the shoplifting hall of fame after he stuck a $600 chainsaw in his drawers and then walked away from the store. After being chased by workmen, he threw the power tool into a wooded area and cycled away, but was later caught when he was spotted snooping around in the woods.

If you thought guitars and chainsaws were as bad as it gets, you couldn’t be more wrong. Consider what happened a few years ago at the Los Angeles airport when customs inspectors randomly opened the suitcase of a man returning from Bangkok and pulled out a large exotic bird.

Customs officers found three more smuggled birds in the bag, and when asked what else to declare, the traveler replied, “Yes, I have monkeys in my pants. »

And, of course, he did. A pair of pygmy monkeys were hidden in his underpants. “We’ve had a few cases of monkeys before, but this was the only time someone stuck monkeys in their pants,” he added. said an officer.

Coming back to the Richmond Hill robbery, we can only pray that the Les Paul thief will eventually be caught by the long arm of the law. He may not have the stolen guitar in his pants anymore, but we bet the police will be happy to see him.

dougspeirs65@gmail.com

Doug Speir

Doug Speir
Journalist

Doug has held almost every position at the paper – reporter, city editor, night editor, tour guide, model – and his colleagues are confident he will eventually find something he excels at.

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